SAN DIEGO— Following two long minutes of contentious negotiations, sources are reporting that a local San Diego family of four is now ready to take a historic vote on whether to split one large California Burrito into three smaller and more manageable burritos.
“After going back-and-forth, we are happy to announce that we are finally ready to take a vote on splitting up this oversized and decadent California Burrito, and I’m confident we have the votes to get it done,” announced Samantha Janson, mother of three and de facto leader of the “Push For Three” California Burrito movement during a press conference from Filberto’s Mexican restaurant on University Avenue.
At issue, according to Samantha, is whether the family’s weekly dining-out budget should keep enabling family patriarch Bill Janson to order and eat an entire California Burrito for himself, or whether the money spent should be more efficiently allotted by splitting the burrito into three pieces, so as to feed two additional family members.
“So much of our combined income goes into Bill getting to have the California Burrito for himself each week,” said Samantha. “And then that leads to the rest of us being forced to order our own giant meals, even though my daughter Brittany and I are never that hungry.”
“This grassroots initiative to split the California Burrito into three independent pieces is nothing but a petulant fool’s errand by a bunch of ingrates who don’t appreciate that I’m the founder of the damned feast,” retorted husband Bill. “The fact is that the California Burrito is one of the largest drivers of economic income for the entire Filberto’s restaurant chain, behind only a few of their combination plates, and maybe the Super Nachos.”
“Bottom line,” Bill added, “the California Burrito is too big to fail.”
At press time, Mrs. Janson said that the historic vote resulted in a disappointing 2-2 tie. This reportedly occurred after Bill successfully lobbied family son Kevin into voting against splitting the burrito up by promising the boy that he could have his own small Hawaiian pizza from the Little Caesar’s down the street.