BEXAR COUNTY, Texas— After three frustrating weekends of trying to get positive identification on one of the region’s most rare and elusive feathered inhabitants, 72-year-old Bexar County native—and amateur birder—Regina Morley is convinced that one area black-capped vireo is pretty much just fucking with her at this point.
“It’s been three straight weekends of that little bastard landing on the same goddamned branch and chirping-out that annoying little song to make his presence known; and three straight weekends of him flying away like a little bitch before I can whip-out my binoculars and get a good look,” complained Morley, a grandmother of six and retired Sunday school teacher. “There’s no way fucking way in hell that’s a coincidence.”
“At this point, that piss-poor excuse for a flying deer mouse probably thinks he’s just jerking me off,” she added, while also saying she took up bird-watching because of her love of nature.
“How much you wanna wager that little asshole doesn’t think twice about flying away so quick again next weekend?” Morley pondered. “Not once I swap-out this shitty pair of looking glasses for my Mossberg 500 (shotgun), anyways.”
At press time, Morley was proud to report that she finally got positive identification on the black-capped vireo, and that “finally seeing that little bird’s beautiful face was nothing short of getting a little bit closer to God.”
She also remarked that she was now moving on to trying to spot a golden-cheeked warbler, and that, once they eventually come face-to-face, “that little fucker better recognize.”
