Frustrated Birder Thinks Elusive Black-Capped Vireo Just Fucking With Her At This Point

Bird Watcher Starting to Think Elusive Black-capped Vireo Just Fucking With Her at This Point

BEXAR COUNTY, Texas— After three frustrating weekends of trying to get positive identification on one of the region’s most rare and elusive feathered inhabitants, 72-year-old Bexar County native—and amateur birder—Regina Morley is convinced that one area black-capped vireo is pretty much just fucking with her at this point.

“It’s been three straight weekends of that little bastard landing on the same goddamned branch and chirping-out that annoying little song to make his presence known; and three straight weekends of him flying away like a little bitch before I can whip-out my binoculars and get a good look,” complained Morley, a grandmother of six and retired Sunday school teacher. “There’s no way fucking way in hell that’s a coincidence.”

“At this point, that piss-poor excuse for a flying deer mouse probably thinks he’s just jerking me off,” she added, while also saying she took up bird-watching because of her love of nature.

“How much you wanna wager that little asshole doesn’t think twice about flying away so quick again next weekend?” Morley pondered. “Not once I swap-out this shitty pair of looking glasses for my Mossberg 500 (shotgun), anyways.”

At press time, Morley was proud to report that she finally got positive identification on the black-capped vireo, and that “finally seeing that little bird’s beautiful face was nothing short of getting a little bit closer to God.”

She also remarked that she was now moving on to trying to spot a golden-cheeked warbler, and that, once they eventually come face-to-face, “that little fucker better recognize.”