After a series of heated interviews and DNA tests, TV host Maury Povich revealed that today was not in fact Father’s Day.
“Fathers of the world, calm down, take a seat,” said Povich, pausing for effect. “Regarding the international holiday which honors dads everywhere, today is not Father’s Day.”
When Povich announced on live television that today, Sunday, June 17, 2018 was not in fact Father’s Day, dads across the world allegedly sprung from their seats, gesticulating wildly and yelling that they knew it all along.
“I told you, bitch,” said the world’s estimated 70.1 million fathers to their significant others while dancing maniacally to 1990s hip-hop. “Woooooo!”