Sorry Ronald Reagan, but it looks like we lost the Cold War after all: in the streets of our nation’s capital, the same streets that claim to be home to the American ideals of liberty and justice for all, crowds of American citizens have been cheering for a uniformed Russian as he parades through the National Mall.
I hate to say it, but the Communists have won.
There was a time when I thought the American people had pride in their flag. But now I look out on the streets of Washington, the very city that so many brave soldiers fought to defend in the name of Capitalism, and all I see is my fellow countrymen cheering for a commie Russian bastard in uniform.
We are living in Red Dawn, sheeple! If only George Washington could see us now.
And the worst part? Where was this sport invented, this sport that has captivated our great and prosperous nation on this overcast Tuesday afternoon? Canada.
That’s right, America. You idiots are celebrating a sport that was invented in Canada.
I don’t know how you will ever live this down. Tuesday, June 12: a date that will live in infamy.