Following a stunning coverup attempt that was exposed on Thursday in which the international breakfast chain attempted to change its named to “IHOb,” the International House of Pancakes admitted the world is facing a critical pancake shortage from which it will likely never recover.
“We attempted to change our name under the guise of promoting our new burger menu, but the whole thing was just a facade,” read a statement from IHOP leadership. “The truth is the world will completely run out of pancakes by 2020, and there is nothing we can do about it.”
Researchers say that pancake crops experienced a drastic blight in recent years, and that farmers across the nation have turned to more sustainable crops like french fries and onion rings.
“Our only hope is that the syrup and chocolate chip plantations can hold out for one more growing season to allow us to complete the transition to burgers,” concluded the statement. “But God help us if the ketchup industry goes under.”