WASHINGTON — With utter disregard for the fact that he just didn’t feel good this morning and was already running late, an inconsiderate seventeen-car pileup ruined local man Jeff Gilffstone’s commute.
The devastating accident, which resulted in numerous fatalities and life-altering injuries, backed up traffic for hours in the Washington, D.C. beltway without so much as considering the fact that today was donut day at the office and if Gliffstone didn’t get there on time there “wouldn’t be any fucking donuts left.”
“Jesus, don’t these people ever think of anything but themselves?” asked Gliffstone of the multitude of victims who would have to bear the consequences of this day for decades. “People are just so self-centered.”
Gliffstone went on to say that despite the vile self-absorbed nature of those involved in this horrific tragedy, he is trying to see the bright side of things.
“You can’t let this kind of thing get you down so early in the morning,” he added, laying on the horn one last time for good measure. “At least I’ll get to finish my podcast.”