FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller has opened an investigation into the National Hockey League on suspicion of Russian meddling in the 2018 Stanley Cup playoffs, sources confirmed today.
“We have received highly classified intelligence that indicates a Russian operative has been planted deep within the NHL,” said a spokesperson for the FBI, clearly trying to hide a grey and gold hockey jersey behind his shirt collar. “This operative is highly skilled and should be considered very dangerous. Any tips regarding this agent should be reported to the FBI immediately.”
A source close to the matter said that the operative goes by the code name “Ovi” and is believed to be located in the “Capital,” although the FBI is not sure at this time which Capital that is.
Sources confirmed that “Ovi” could be traveling to the western United States. A partially decoded message showed that he would be meeting “Knights” in Las Vegas for a “game” later in the week.
“We’ve learned that ‘Ovi’ carries a stick and two blades at all times, and quietly subdues his opponents with a deadly move apparently known as the Hat Trick,” said the spokesperson, adding that it is of the utmost importance that the suspect be apprehended prior to face-off of Game 4 on Tuesday night. “We believe this covert operation was launched as payback for Russia’s defeat in the 1989 Miracle on Ice.”
Mueller estimated that it will take his team of 30 agents at least 2 or 3 years and 20 million dollars in taxpayer funding to solve this case.
Added the spokesperson, “There’s no way we’re going to let this case skate away from us.”