Jeff Bezos Finds Crumpled 12 Million Dollars in Back Pocket of Old Jeans

Combing through his closet on Thursday, Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos found a crumpled 12 million dollars in the back pocket of an old pair of jeans.

“Oh wow, would you look at that!” exclaimed a giddy Bezos. “I’m always forgetting where I put my spare change. Just last month I found nine million dollars in stocks in the pocket of my old ski jacket.”

Bezos said the 12 million dollars in cold, hard cash had probably gone through the washer two or three times and sat in his closet for years before he realized it was in there. He admitted that he has no specific plans on how to spend the money, but will “probably just use it to run a small retailer or two out of business.”

“My buddy Zucks told me he had just found the personal data of like 20 million Americans scribbled on a Post-it note buried in his junk drawer, so I figured I’d start looking through my old stuff to see what I could find,” said Bezos. “I can’t wait to tell the other guys at our secret moon base for billionaires about this.”

At press time, Bezos had finally found his missing stack of 24-karat gold bars sandwiched between the couch cushions.

(Photo credit: Steve Jurvetson, flickr)