Creationist Pokémon Refuses to Evolve

Creationist Pokémon Refuses to Evolve

Saying that he was put on the Earth a Charmander and that God alone could change that, a Pokémon with strict creationist beliefs refused to evolve earlier this week.

“It is written in the Pokédex: the one Lord and creator Satoshi Tajiri put Pokémon on this Earth in 1996,” said the level 24 fire Pokémon who, according to Pokéscience, should have evolved at level 16. “If it were God’s will that I be a Charmeleon, he would have made me a Charmeleon.”

Trainer Ash Ketchum says the Charmander refuses to believe in Pokémon evolution despite the dearth of ancient Aerodactyl and Kabutops fossils uncovered in recent years.

“He’s clinging to his beliefs despite years of archaeological and genetic research by Prof. Oak,” said Ketchum. “I’ve tried everything: exposing him to a fire stone, leveling him up with rare candy, but he still refuses to acknowledge Pokéscience.”

For his part, Prof. Oak hopes to reconcile the two views — he is currently working to prove that all Pokémon evolved from a single, normal-type ancestor some time in late 1994.

“My current research shows that our common ancestor may have split into about 150 species in early 1996 before evolving into the 807 species listed in the modern Pokédex,” said Oak in an interview at his Pallet Town laboratory. “This doesn’t rule out the possibility that a divine Japanese man or men originally created the entire Pokémon Universe.”