SAN FRANCISCO — Seeking to mirror residents’ unfounded air of superiority, a new traffic signal has been installed over an intersection on Fillmore Street that moralizes condescendingly at motorists instead of turning green.
Dubbed the “Virtue Signal” by many, the light scornfully renders judgments on all manner of global issues while ignoring entirely its role in traffic control.
“Did you know that while you sit there in your posh luxury SUV there are children starving in Africa?” asked the light disdainfully to the increasingly congested roadway. “Oh, I see you’re turning around and taking a different route, huh? I guess you don’t care about THE CHILDREN.”
Friends of the light are worried that, while he waxes philosophical about issues like inequality and climate change, he completely refuses to so much as turn green for two minutes to ameliorate traffic in his own neighborhood.
“Don’t lecture me about traffic, I’ve signed three change.org petitions today,” snarled the virtue signal. “Why would I care about this stupid backwards intersection when the literacy rate in Benin is only 38.4 percent?”
At press time, the light was seen pontificating about the plight of the Acadian Redfish to a rush hour gridlock.