New UberKeith Feature Lets You Share Every Ride With a Stranger Named Keith

UberKeith

Citing extensive customer feedback regarding the lack of Keiths accompanying riders, taxi app Uber has released a new feature that will allow passengers to share every trip with a man named Keith.

UberKeith is currently in beta testing in ten major U.S. cities, but it has already received rave reviews. Uber expects to roll it out nationwide within the next few months.

“Wow! I’ve always wanted to have a stranger named Keith accompany me on my morning commute, and now I can!” said user Rachel Santini. “Although, I’ll admit, sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye.”

Uber’s Chairman Garrett Camp says he was initially skeptical about the move after the failure of competitor app Lyft’s “Brandon Plus” feature, which forced all customers to share rides with a man named Brandon as he talked about his grad school dissertation.

“Nobody wants to hear about Brandon’s stupid thesis on the epistemological applications of Kant in modern quinoa recipes,” said Camp. “In contrast, all of our Keiths are expertly trained in the intricacies of awkward ride sharing conversation.”

Camp’s confidence is not unfounded — UberKeith has already proven so popular that Keiths from across the country are flocking to the cities where it has been rolled out.

“This is the best thing to happen to the Keith community since Keith Urban put us back on the map in the ’90s,” said Miami-based Keith, Keith Tolston. “UberKeith changes everything.”

Added one satisfied customer, “I’ll never ride Keith-less again.”