Archaeologists Uncover Earliest Known Tramp Stamp on Ancient Egyptian Slut

Archaeologists Uncover Earliest Known Tramp Stamp on Ancient Egyptian Slut

CAIRO, Egypt — In a groundbreaking report published earlier this week, an international team of archaeologists announced they have uncovered evidence of humanity’s earliest known lower back tattoo in the tomb of an ancient Egyptian slut.

The team claims the tramp stamp is a tribal art depiction of Nekhbet the vulture goddess spreading her wings into a butterfly flanked by .38 special revolvers “or something sexy like that.”

“The remains are so well-preserved. We were able to determine with complete confidence that the subject was a total skank-ass hoe,” said lead archaeologist Dr. Franz Chapelle. “She must have made some very important pharaohs happy to receive an embalming like this.”

Chapelle says the discovery offers proof that “bitches were turnin’ tricks” much earlier than previously thought.

“It’s hard to determine exactly who this floozy was whoring around with, but the sheer amount of bling and Gucci apparel surrounding her tomb indicate she must have been a gold digger,” said Chapelle.

At press time, another team working in Iraq had uncovered evidence of civilization’s first-ever abs mirror selfie in the grave of a Sumerian fuckboy.