Easter Miracle — Hungover Man Rises From Bed

QUINCY, Mass. — In what can only be described as an Easter miracle, local man James Calloway rose from his bed this morning after a harrowing 3-day drinking session.

Despite a deadly hangover, roommates say Calloway’s specter appeared before them in the living room and drank two Gatorades right before their eyes.

“At first I didn’t believe it was really him, because he was hardly recognizable,” said doubting roommate Thomas Weinstein. “But then he showed me the wounds on his hands from when he fell into the bushes puking last night, and I knew it was true. There had to be some higher power at play.”

Others learned of his resurrection after receiving worried text messages asking what happened last night.

“Let it be known. I am risen,” sent Calloway on Snapchat, while leaning face-first against the refrigerator to prevent himself from falling over. “But, oh no, I think I forgot to close my tab.”

After promising that he would one day return, friends say Calloway then ascended the stairs out onto the street to figure out where he parked his car.