SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — According to friends, local skateboarder Chaz Ulrich needs to go to the doctor every day because “he’s just so sick.”
“I’m really worried about him,” said Ulrich’s physician, Dr. Mark Moreno. “If he stomps one more gnarly 360-flip down a double-set of stairs he might die.”
Friends say they’ve tried to warn Chaz about his severe illness, but he still refuses to stop doing perfect backside tailslides on every ledge in town.
“He looked pretty sketchy nosegrinding on a handrail the other day and I thought for once he might bail, for the sake of his health,” said friend Tyler Gordon. “But no. It ended up being so sick we had to rush him to the ER immediately.”
At press time, Dr. Moreno was seen turning away poseurs from his office because they weren’t sick enough.