Reports that political consulting firm Cambridge Analytica harvested the personal information of over 50 million Facebook users have revealed that each and every one of them was a complete and pathetic loser.
“Honestly, I wish I didn’t see all their information because it just makes me kind of sad,” said suspended Cambridge Analytica CEO Alexander Nix of the pitiful nobodies whose data was taken. “Like, how are we supposed to know who to target with political ads when everyone is just looking at cat memes and videos of cake all day?”
The data was allegedly used to make political advertisements in the run up to the 2016 Presidential Election, targeted towards the dozen or so people who actually voted. However, Nix says almost all of the data was “worthless, just like the miserable duds we took it from.”
“I am truly and wholeheartedly disgusted by the daily activities of the millions of people whose information we stole,” added Nix. “And I’m sorry your lives suck so bad.”