Total Badass Goes to Class During National School Walkout

Badass Goes to Class During National School Walkout

While his classmates and teachers participated in the National School Walkout on Wednesday, eighth grade cool guy Bruce Holstein went to class like a total badass.

“Look at all those nerds playing hooky,” said Holstein, working diligently on his algebra homework. “I don’t care what that old hag Mrs. Pendergast says. I’ll go to class whenever I want.”

Students and teachers at his school participated in the #Enough walkout to call on Congress to pass tighter gun control laws. But peers and school faculty say that Holstein is always breaking the rules and going his own way.

“Bruce is a straight up savage,” said classmate Mark Bentson. “For real. That dude skipped winter dance to study geography.”

Holstein says he also plans on “sticking it to the man” by working extra hard to gain academic scholarships one day to avoid student loans. He has even considered completely crushing his parents’ expectations and joining the military.

“That’s right. I’ll pick any of these dweebs first in dodgeball to make them feel better about themselves,” said Holstein as he forced the playground wimp to eat his fruits and vegetables. “I do what I want.”

Mason Bube contributed to this article.