PYONGYANG, North Korea — In a cosmic pissing contest with the United States, North Korea announced today that it has successfully launched a 1979 Zastava Yugo into space.
Sources inside Pyongyang indicate that not only did the car enter Mars’ orbit, but it actually carried a passenger: Chairman of the Workers’ Party, Kim Jong Un. The Supreme Leader is said to have masterfully parallel parked the vessel on the red planet, single-handedly defeated the Martian armies, and brokered a colonial peace that “shall last one thousand years.”
The North Korean press seemed offended when asked why they had elected to launch their glorious leader in such a crappy car.
“In our country, the Yugo is a luxury vehicle, driven only by top Party members,” the national press officer said in a statement.
Further investigation revealed that the vehicle did not, in fact, break Earth’s orbit, instead landing in a used car lot in Bakersfield, CA where it was promptly bought and driven away by Carl Blevins, night manager at the local Dairy Queen and divorced father of three.