North Korean Olympic Team Hungry for Gold, Essential Nutrients

North Korean Olympic Team Hungry for Gold, Essential Nutrients

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — Following a strong showing in the days leading up to the 2018 Winter Olympics, experts say North Korea’s delegation looks hungry for gold, as well as numerous essential vitamins and minerals.

“These guys have been starved of an Olympic win for years,” said Opening Ceremony host Mike Tirico. “They look like they would do anything for a taste of the podium or a steak.”

Fans in Olympic Village have noted how the athletes’ mouths were watering at the mere smell of Olympic Glory, the nickname of the 24/7 cafeteria. Others have said they are so “hungry for victory” that they haven’t eaten for days.

“I bet they would give their souls for a silver medal or a few calories,” said Tirico. “I just hope they don’t get too greedy or they’ll get fed to Kim Jong-un like the 2010 team.”

Many view this as an opportunity for peaceful dialogue between North and South. However, others fear North Korea’s participation may violate international sanctions.

“I, for one, don’t even think they deserve to eat bronze,” tweeted President Donald Trump. “Let ’em starve. More gold to eat for the rest of us. #MakeAmericaGoldAgain.”

Vice President Mike Pence also made headlines after refusing to stand as the delegations from North Korea and South Korea marched together during the Opening Ceremony.

“They were wearing these tight outfits so I just assumed they were a bunch of gays,” said Pence. “I’m actually all for peace.”