Trump Orders Cleveland Indians to Replace Chief Wahoo with Elizabeth Warren

Trump Orders Cleveland Indians to Replace Chief Wahoo with Elizabeth Warren

In an unorthodox move sure to stun the sports world, President Donald Trump has ordered the Cleveland Indians baseball team to replace their longtime mascot, Chief Wahoo, with a picture of Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Although he possesses no real authority over Major League Baseball, or any serious knowledge of professional athletics, that didn’t stop Trump from weighing in on the controversial issue with a tweet earlier this week.

“I have directed Paul Dolan, the owner of the Cleveland Browns basketball team, to exchange their offensive logo, Chief Wahoo, with an image of Senator Pocahontas. She always wanted to be a Native American…now she she finally is!  MAGA.”

Senator Warren formerly taught at Harvard University, where for years she claimed to be of American Indian heritage. Despite poor performance evaluations and an inability to provide proof of her ethnicity, her minority status helped her get tenured as a professor and allowed her to obtain academic leadership positions.

“Say Hey!” said former Indians outfielder Willie Mays Hays. “Warren rose to prominence by riding the backs of Native Americans, she should be honored to have her picture on the Indians’ backs during baseball games.”

This isn’t the first time Trump has found himself in the middle of indigenous issues. In November he made headlines by tapping his hand over his mouth and saying “wah wah wah” during a White House Ceremony to honor WWII Navajo Code Talkers.

“I fully support the move,” said Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn, who pitched for Cleveland in the late 1980’s. “Some folks criticize Chief Wahoo because, as a cartoon, he does not represent authentic Native Americans. I am glad we are trading him for a real person who actually is a fake Indian.”

At press time, Senator Warren could not be reached for comment because she was furiously scouring Ancestry.com to find any semblance of a drop of minority blood in her otherwise blanched genealogy.