After a grueling monthlong debate, local couple Mark and Janet Willard have starved to death at their kitchen table trying to decide what to have for dinner tonight.
“It’s truly a tragedy,” said neighbor Kathy Ross. “But do any of us really have any choice when it comes to what we have for dinner tonight?”
After spending days on Yelp trying to “find something new,” friends say the couple argued back and forth between whether they should get delivery or just go out. They even briefly considered cooking.
“We haven’t gone out in a while, but I really just feel like staying in tonight,” Mr. Willard allegedly said. “Although, I do kinda feel like pizza.”
“Ugh, we had pizza last week. Maybe we should just cook,” Mrs. Willard replied. “But, then again, sushi would be nice.”
At one point, sources say, Mr. Willard had actually begun to dial a sandwich shop to order pickup, but his wife stopped him, saying it would ruin the the diet which she had just arbitrarily started to follow in that moment.
Mr. Willard’s body was found trying to reheat three-day-old leftovers in a final act of desperation, while Mrs. Willard was found on the couch scrolling endlessly through Netflix trying to decide which movie to watch.