WASHINGTON — Riding around on the new skateboard he got for Christmas, a giggling Mike Pence slapped a sticker of the letter “G” over the “No Republicans” sign outside the office of the Democratic National Committee headquarters.
“Suck it, poseurs,” shouted Pence as he executed a sweet ollie down the building’s front stairs. “Go Republicans!”
DNC leaders say Pence has been showing up regularly at their offices at night to vandalize signs with pro-Republican graffiti and grind the marble ledges outside on his skateboard. But even with the new rollerblades that they all got for their birthdays, they have so far been unable to catch him.
“Pence thinks he’s so rad just because he can do a kickflip,” complained DNC chairman Tom Perez. “But we’ll show him. Rollerblading is cool, too.”
Even after being elected Vice President in the 2016 election, Pence says nothing gets him more stoked than sticking it to the man with a boardslide down a fresh handrail outside your opponent’s workplace.
“I’d like to see a Democrat try some of these sick tricks. I bet they would totally bail,” said Pence, waxing a curb by the street. “Skate or die.”