Office Lady Getting a Bit Too Bold With Her “Ideas” and Things

STAMFORD, Conn. — Noting how she has been suspiciously proactive in attempting to make a meaningful contribution in the workplace, colleagues say female employee Jennifer Chalmers has been getting a bit too bold with her “ideas and things” recently.

“She’s a nice girl and all, but she needs to tone it back with these ‘suggestions’ and ‘recommendations’ all the time,” said coworker Carl Jeffries, adding disapprovingly that she lacks any semblance of self-doubt whatsoever when advancing her proposals. “Intelligence is unbecoming in a woman.”

Chalmers, who has a PhD in Operations Management from M.I.T., was originally hired as an administrative assistant, but has since moved into a more prominent role, where coworkers say her desire to be a productive member of the team has been “kind of a turn-off.”

“I get that she’s just trying to be cute with all this ‘motivation’ and ‘purpose’ and stuff,” said her manager, Richard Fasano. “But, frankly, it makes her seem sort of manly.”

While Chalmers claims she is only trying to perform her job to the best of her ability, everyone in the office agreed that she would be much more likable if she would just “dial back her confidence a bit.”

“All I expect is a bit of uncertainty and crippling insecurity from time to time,” Fasano added. “A delirious emotional breakdown every once in a while wouldn’t hurt, either.”