WATERBURY, Conn. — With other members looking on in disgust during a stunning repeat of last year’s championship, lamest friend in the group Blake Adams has once again won his fantasy football league.
“Pay up, turd brains,” shouted a blustering Adams as he gestured the “suck it” sign to his friends seated on the couch. “Looks like Blake the Snake did it again.”
League President Jeremy Connors reluctantly invited Adams to the league a year ago after more normal friend Vincent had to drop out last minute, hoping he would be an easy fifty dollars to add to the money pot. But he has now won back-to-back titles despite his seeming unawareness of anything relating to the sport of football.
“I thought Mike, or maybe even Chris would win it all this year, but no. It had to be that moron Blake again,” complained Connors. “Seriously, I barely even know the guy. I guess he’s, like, Justin’s girlfriend’s brother or something.”
Adams, who spent last year’s winnings on a $400 bottle of whiskey that he later bragged about downing in a single sitting, says he has big plans for investing this year’s prize money.
“Truck nuts with diamonds in them,” said Adams. “It’s gonna be sick.”