Following a decision which may significantly affect comfort levels while walking from the living room to the kitchen to grab another beer, fathers around the nation were in an uproar today after New Balance announced it would discontinue its line of plain white cross-training sneakers.
The bulky, unsightly dad shoes are typically bequeathed on the family patriarch following the birth of his eldest child, with a new pair acquired every five to ten years at the local discount shoe retailer. The announcement has sent the the normally indifferent dad community into a frenzy.
“This is an outrage!” said Massachusetts father of three Rick Moriarty as he flipped the TV back and forth between golf and a Brendan Fraser movie. “What the hell do they expect us to wear?”
Thus far, their ability to organize a protest has been set back by logistical and communications issues, with most unable to see the font on their phones without reading glasses. But many are convinced they will be able to bring New Balance to the negotiating table.
“Don’t think us dads are gonna lie down without a fight,” said accountant Jim Halleran, before silently dozing off to sleep in his recliner at two o’clock in the afternoon.
At press time, the dads vowed they would get up and do something about it “at the next commercial.”